Porn, Love, and Valentine's Day

Hey y'all!! It's Valentine's Day weekend and love is in the air.

So today, I am going to talk about love.

And porn.

And how Porn Kills Love.

Yes, I know it's a little uncomfortable to think about. Even more uncomfortable to talk about. But the time has come for someone to speak out. So I volunteered :)

One of my main arguments against pornography is obviously because God tells us it's a sin. Matthew 5:27-28 says "You have heard that it was said, 'You should not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a women lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." To look at porn is to lust; and if you don't want to have that lust in your heart, then why are you looking at it?

Whether you're a Christian or not, it's simply morally wrong.

One of my favorite non-profit organizations is Fight the New Drug. Their mission is to educate people on the harmful effects of porn. How awesome is that?! If you're not already convinced porn is harmful, take a gander at FTND's shocking facts:

1. Porn Harms the Brain.
-It rearranges your neuron pathways by releasing a rush of a chemical called dopamine, causing viewers to become addicted to porn.
-It affects your behavior as viewers become numb to violence and other things they thought were disgusting/immoral before.
-The addiction can grow stronger as viewers find themselves looking for more and more porn to satisfy their "needs."

2. Porn Harms Your Heart.
-It can hurt your relationship with your partner as they feel they are being compared and not good enough for you.

-The more someone invests themselves in porn, the harder it is to love a real person.

-Viewers often become so obsessed with porn that they miss out on real relationships.

-Porn is a complete lie and leaves viewers disappointed when their own lives don't live up to their expectations.

3. Porn Harms Society.

-Many people have attempted to "normalize" pornography by saying it's a natural thing all men do.
- Porn can tear apart families when one of the parents struggles with an addiction.
-Porn often depicts women being mistreated, whether it's in the form of physical or verbal abuse.
-The actors/actresses in the making of porn are often threatened, raped, drugged, abused and trafficked.

My friends, we can be the generation to rise above this. To say this is NOT okay, this is NOT normal. We are better than this.

Over the past few months, controversial articles about the upcoming movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" have flooded my Facebook newsfeed. I didn't really give them a second glance until the movie trailer appeared as a sponsored tweet on my Twitter feed. Knowing nothing about this sick and twisted story at the time, I watched the trailer.

I wanted to sob and puke out my guts.

Is this really what our world is coming to? I had heard the term "mommy porn" used to describe the book and it made me think...I'm 99% these women would be completely against their husbands watching online porn, but what justified their reading this book and obsessing over this nasty, down right inappropriate film?

Whether you'd like to admit it or not, porn is a growing issue in our society. We no longer live in an era where the only place you'd be able to find porn is in a Playboy magazine you stole from the drugstore. Now, anyone is able to access it anytime, anywhere. Porn isn't new, but the way we are approaching it is. Here's the deal:

It's not too late to mend the wound porn has slashed in our world.

While we can't reverse the damage, we can help those who have been exposed break the addiction and prevent others from trying the drug. One positive thing about our society is people are no longer afraid to speak out about things that matter. I'm reminded of Echosmith's song "Come Together." It goes like this:

{We've got hopes on the horizon
We can't stop from climbing the mountain
We're sick and tired of keeping silent
We are, we are, we are...
We are gonna come together}

I recently downloaded the 'She Reads Truth' app and fell in love. Right now, the SRT community is studying the book of Esther (one of my favorites!!) I am reminded of Esther's God-given courage to speak up for what she believed in. This inspired me to do the same in my own life.

I encourage you all to come together, step outside of your comfortable little box and share the message that PORN KILLS LOVE.

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, and you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" -Esther 4:14

His Biblical Beauty,
Paige

Love Never Ends: Jarrod + Tish

Jarrod and Tish are the parents of one of my best friends, Dylan. They are such a fun family and have raised an awesome son!! :) Their faith over the course of their entire relationship amazes me. Here's Jarrod to tell us their story:

I met Letitia (Tish) in June of 1997. We were both 22 years old. I worked doing data entry at a company in Newton called StraightLine MFG and we were short handed and needed help at the time. I suggested we used Man Power (an organization that provides temporary help to companies in need) to try and find a number of suitable temporary employees to help us with our data entry. Tish was home from college (Kansas State studying business and accounting) and had applied at Man Power to find work for the summer. She was sun tanning at her parents house when the phone rang and she let the machine pick up. It was Man Power, and they were calling to offer her a job where I worked. I recall her saying that she almost didn’t call them back because she wanted to relax a few more days before she started working. After a brief inner struggle she chose to call and that decision would set everything in motion that would get us to right here and right now. She sometimes jokes and teases me when I am being annoying saying “I wonder where I’d be if I wouldn’t have answered that phone call?”… I jokingly create the probability that she would be in dire straights in the slums had she not taken that call and met me ;)

When Tish walked into that business the day and I met her, we seemed to get along immediately. We shared a small office, each with our own little desks and talked a lot. While spending hours and hours logging data in the computers, we discussed music and TV shows we liked, sports, food, our past histories and shared stories. I really liked her, but like anyone, I was nervous about actually asking her out on a date. My friend and coworker who was also single knew I liked her but that I had cold feet, so he said, “Hey man, you met her first and I know you like her, but if you aren’t going to do anything about it then I am going to ask her out.” That was all I needed to hear, so I asked her if she wanted to come to a party with me. She said MAYBE and then never came. A week later she asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink after work and so we did.

We sat at the corner of the The Old Mill bar in Newton drinking margaritas and played a game where we took turns asking each other personal questions. The only rule was you had to answer truthfully. I’ll never forget when she asked, “How many kids do you hope to have some day?" I answered “5." She said, “5!?!? That’s a lot of kids!” I said, “Yeah, I enjoy kids and I always thought it would be nice to have a large family. Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays with a large family would be nice. Later on in life having lots of grandkids come over...I don’t know. There is something about it that I relate to happiness. What about you? How many kids do you want?” She said, “MAYBE 1.” Of course we now have 5 children so she changed her mind :) Tish would later say that she had no idea how much she would enjoy children; so much so that if she knew then what she knows now she would have gone to college to become a teacher or do something to work with kids instead of business and accounting.

Tish and I spent almost every waking moment together that summer. We were together at work, went out after work, and basically hung out all weekend long. She truly became my best friend. It was especially difficult when that summer came to a close and she had to leave to go back to school in Manhattan. We had grown very close and had begun building something together that I didn’t want to end. I knew from past experiences that long distance relationships didn’t generally work very well, and while I would never want her to quit on a dream like getting her college degree, I didn’t want her to leave either...so I told her that. However, she had a house in Manhattan she leased and obligations, and it wasn’t possible for her to stay.

We spoke on the phone every night, she drove from Manhattan to Newton to meet me for lunch a few times between classes, and she also came back sometimes to visit on the weekends. After a couple weeks into the fall semester of her final year of college, she dropped out and moved back in with her parents so we could be together. Tish had done such excellent work when she was working as a temp previously that our employer offered her a full time job, which she took. We continued dating and spending all of our time together when in March 1998 we discovered that she was pregnant.

Both of us being raised Catholic, I think that a very large dose of remorse set in for us both followed by being dreadfully frightened. Neither of us knew anything about being a parent. She had just turned 23 years old and I would be 23 in less than a month. While we weren’t terribly young, we were not prepared to be parents. We were immature, unmarried, and I recall feeling a great deal of shame...I knew from my upbringing that we had sinned and yet I still didn’t make very good choices. We spoke with our families and with a Catholic Priest. I had difficulties seeing eye to eye with the priest and following his advice. The church would not marry us unless we would separate; even after our child was born for a period of time and we had taken some classes. I hardened my heart and sort of fell out of faith.

Instead, we found a small house for rent in Newton and moved in together. Tish found a new and better paying job in Wichita and I continued to work at the same job in Newton. Life got much more difficult. We fought and argued more. Our situation had changed very quickly from two people young and in love to a couple of immature kids having no option but to try and be grown ups for the sake of our son. We had issues with vehicles, with our home, with our jobs. We had issues with our faith. We weren’t going to church very often and life in general was just getting tougher. I remember having doubts that our relationship would ever be able to survive our current situation. I remember praying which wasn’t common for me. Being raised Catholic, I knew a million prayers that were drilled into me all my life, but what I didn’t have was a personal relationship with God. I honestly didn’t even know what it meant to have one or how to personally speak to Christ in prayer. My prayers consisted of a robotic chant that I had recited over and over and over my whole life. Then, the company I was working for filed bankruptcy and I lost my job. Right around that same time, either just before I lost my job or just after, we found out that Tish was pregnant again. 

We intended to get married for a couple years and simply never did. Now with one child and one on the way, we went to the court house and through the justice of the peace were lawfully married. Yet in the Catholic Church's opinion, we were still not married in the eyes of God, so we were not allowed to receive communion. Tish was taking the kids to church every Sunday and I rarely went with them. I felt jaded about the Catholic Church for many reasons, but mostly because of my own ego. Tish always invited me and encouraged me to come with them but never really tried to make me go. It’s something I would learn to love and truly appreciate about my wife; she has always led by the example that she sets. She has never tried to change me to become something I am not, but rather she encourages me to be the best ME I can be! All those years, she patiently waited for God to work within me and I know she prayed for me often as well. 

I was drawing unemployment for a couple of months and looking for a job one day when Tish asked me to get a board cut at a lumber yard for our oldest son Dylan’s toddler bed, so I drove to Hesston to Kropf Lumber. I had worked there years before for about a year, so while getting the board I was able to say hi to some old coworkers. Upon hearing I was unemployed at the moment, they offered me a job on the spot! A couple days later, I was working in the truss shop cutting lumber and assembling trusses.

During that first summer at Kropf, a young man named Troy, who was in training to be a youth pastor, came to work part time in the truss shop. He was a big St. Louis Cardinals baseball fan and we spoke often about sports. I also spent a lot of time playing devil's advocate; questioning him about what the Bible says regarding this and that. I grew up going to church every week and spent most Sundays in sunday school at St. Mary’s church. I knew many stories from the Bible but I had never actually picked up the Bible just to read it. So one time, Troy responded to one of my grand inquisitions with, “Look it up tonight in your Bible and tell ME what you discover.” I scoffed and told him that I didn’t even own a Bible. A few weeks later, it was Troy’s last day at work as he was leaving to begin pastoring at a church in Indiana (or something like that.) Before he left, he took me outside to the parking lot and gave me a gift that would change my life. It was an American Standard, red letter Ryrie study Bible. He wrote an inscription inside, and it all led to true repentance from my heart for my sins and a wonderful journey with Christ that I am still on this day. That is another story :)

The moment that I allowed God into my heart, my life began to change in every way; most importantly in my relationship with Letitia and my kids. At times, it can be difficult to understand why God is doing what He is doing. That is why faith is soooo important! "My relationship with someone I know I love is falling apart, my car is broken down, I have a toddler who is a handful, I am lost in my faith, we are eating ramen noodles and hamburger helper, we are barely making it and now I find out that we are having ANOTHER baby!? JESUS help me! I can barely handle one child!"
So what did God do after my prayer? I was laid off. Let go. Fired. There I was, trying to pray and ask for help (undeserving I might add) and he fired me! That was seemingly the worst thing that he could have done for me, and yet by doing so in hindsight, he placed me EXACTLY where I needed to be to receive His grace by working through young Pastor Troy. 

It is easy for me to see why people separate and divorce. Relationships are hard work. When you add ingredients like being young, immature and unmarried it’s even harder. Add a child or two and it’s even harder yet. Add very little interaction with God and things can feel down right impossible. But I have learned that many times in life the old sayings you hear are true...it IS always darkest before the dawn. When climbing a steep hill, you use all of your muscles, strength and energy to get to the top. The toughest point is the moment before you reach the summit, but after that, it’s all down hill from there. When running long distances there are moments when you start telling yourself, “I can’t do this anymore. I have gone as far as I can go.” From my experiences, that is the VERY moment you are about to overcome the pain and push through it to discover that you can do it and then some! 

All throughout life, I believe God chastens us. Like a carpenter uses heavy, coarse grit sandpaper on a piece of wood to scratch the surface, the end result is a smooth and beautifully polished personal work of art. I believe that God too does this in our lives. I pray often that God gives me the wisdom to recognize these difficult moments for what they are and rejoice, because I know he is making me stronger and increasing my faith, so long as I pass the tests. He has done this to us as a couple as well. And with every mountain we approach, we climb it TOGETHER. With every long distance race ran, we run TOGETHER. With every tunnel of darkness passed through, we endure it TOGETHER. Our relationship grows and is strengthened as we stand at the summit of the mountain top, watching the sun rise TOGETHER. We stand here together today, smooth and polished where we were once rough and full of splinters.

I know that our relationship will continue to be tested at times, and I look forward to those tests, because in the end it will be those tests that ultimately strengthen us as a couple. God has given me more than I ever deserved. I regret that I wasn’t a better father and husband early on for my two oldest boys and for Tish. Yet, it was all a part of the process. It’s hard to say if I had the chance to do it all over I would do things differently. Most people can say they would change things from their past, especially during the tough times. But while I am sorry for the sins of my past, in my heart I cannot wish to change anything. It was through this journey; every step of it, that led me to Christ. That gave me the love of my life. That gave me my children. That was a part of Tish finishing her degree and graduating from Kansas State with two sons. This past led me to quit drinking. To quit smoking. To get promoted in my job 4-5 times over. And ultimately helped us to finally have our marriage blessed by the Catholic Church after 15 years of legally being married :) A culmination of things learned the hard way brought me to where I am, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

I hardly feel that I am qualified to give advice to any couple considering my past choices, but I would simply say this: have a personal relationship with God; it will make you better in every aspect of your life. Pray with your partner; it will help to build your relationship on solid foundation. Trust God; don't ever second guess Him. Know that He is going to test you, and you must rejoice when times are tough because He is trying to strengthen your relationship. Love and respect your spouse, but laugh and have fun. Don’t take things too seriously. Love is a gift from God...enjoy it! Tish and I tease and make fun of each other all the time, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. 

So many things are temporary, but love. Love never ends. True love is permanent. God's love is endless. And just like God's love, our love will never end.

In His love,
Jarrod and Tish

^“Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” -1 Corinthians 13:8

Love is Patient: Sammi + Matt

I met Sammi this past summer on my mission trip to Costa Rica. She is such a natural beauty and has a heart for the Lord :) I asked Sammi, along with several other friends of mine, to share their love stories in honor of it being Valentine's Day week. Sammi and Matt's story is proof of God's everlasting, always faithful love for His children that's sure to make you smile. I'll turn it over to Sammi now!

In the spring of 2013, my sophomore year of high school, I met Matt at my church's high school youth group. I usually stand towards the entrance to greet those who walk in, especially if I see any new faces. Matt was a senior in high school about to leave to begin training as a United States Marine in the fall. He seemed hesitant to be there, so I introduced myself and did my best to make sure he felt welcome.  I was excited when he started to come weekly to both youth group and Bible study. He seemed new to the faith, and was relatively quiet in the beginning, but quickly began sharing some really insightful input when discussing faith-related topics at Bible Study. 

A few weeks after we met, I invited him to a church concert I was singing in as a soloist. Mind you, we were just acquaintances at the time, but I thought it was the friendly thing to do. At the end of the concert, I introduced him to my father, who, being very outgoing and friendly (yes, even to boys haha), spontaneously invited Matt out to dinner with us that night! Matt politely declined the offer, and I thought nothing more of it until when a few hours later he came walking into the restaurant, walked right up to my dad and respectfully apologized for previously declining the offer. My father laughed it off and again invited Matt to spend the night having dinner with my family and I.
  

That was the night that Matt and I became friends. What is very important to note is this was a season where I was very happily single. I had no desire for a relationship, and was so satisfied in my personal romance with Christ that I had no time to pray for a boyfriend. My thoughts were on the joys of the Kingdom and serving my Savior; if anything I thought a boyfriend would only hinder that pursuit. But God has His own clock, and He loves to give gifts to His children. Oh, what a beautiful gift this one is…
  

You see, Matt came from a different background than I did. He didn't grow up in a Christian family, going to church and reading his Bible; he didn't know Jesus. After enlisting in the USMC, he realized his need for a Protector, a Savior, a "Shield." The demons in his life were relentless and overwhelming, and one night, he broke. He needed a change. So he went online and googled "where to buy a Bible," and in God's providence, my church's Bible House was the first to pop up. So he drove to my church, picked up a Bible, and met one of our youth pastor's who invited him to youth group. That is where he unexpectedly met me, and, as he likes to say, fell in love at first sight. He kept coming to my church, where he knew I was heavily involved, and got to know me the best he could. In the process of getting to know me, he also got to know my Savior, and committed his life to Christ. That summer was spent learning how to drop the chains of who he used to be, to become a "new creation."
  

A few days before he left for basic training in South Carolina, I learned of his feelings for me, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship at the time. He respectfully took some steps back…but not too far. He and I wrote each other for three months before I saw him again. Basic training for the marine corps is an intense, 90-day military program where civilians are taught what it takes to become a US Marine. The recruits are not allowed any contact with family or friends other than through letters. After completing training they are rewarded ten days of leave to be home with there families. In those three months of correspondence through letters, my feelings for him began to blossom, and I found myself waiting on my front steps for the mailman to come!
  

The first time I saw Matt when he came home after training was the kind of moment people make movies about. I had invited him to watch my brother's hockey game with my family, and he showed up with a huge bouquet of lilies (my favorite flowers) in his arms. Confidently, he strolled right past the large group of fans right up to my family and I. People were cheering and clapping, and I was absolutely stunned at this boy's confidence. At this point after three months of getting to know him through letters and seeking God's counsel, I was ready to be pursued.
  

I know I was only seventeen years old at the time, but I truly believe I fell in love with this man. We have been officially dating for over a year now and it has been the best and most fruitful year of my life. Matt has been home four times in the last year; I live in New Jersey and he serves in Iwakuni, Japan where he will live for another year and four months. I haven't seen him in five months and it is the longest we've gone without seeing each other, but God has been so FAITHFUL in it all!

  

As a couple, Matt and I have gone through many hardships that most couples don't have to go through, especially at our age. The most trying point in our relationship was when we were told that Matt was being sent to Japan for two years. We were crushed. In that moment I would have to say Matt was the strong one. We had only been dating for five months and just getting past the "honeymoon" stage. I saw no hope for our relationship, how can you build a relationship with someone who lives literally half a world away? What couples do we know of have survived something like this before? Why would God allow this to happen when we've been faithful and trusting Him? But Matt's faith was as solid as a rock. He was sure his feelings for me were unwavering and in no way based on our circumstances. He asked me if I loved him, to which I replied yes I do, and he said that is all that matters, God will work out the rest. Distance is just another test. We decided to trust God that this was what was best for us and that He will continue to be faithful even when we are faithless…and now here we are eight months later, more in love and excited for the future than ever!
  

For those of you who are doubtful of a lifelong Christian to be in a dating relationship with a newly-born believer: the biggest blessing I've experienced in my relationship with Matt has been watching him grow from being a newly-born believer, to a SOLID and CONFIDENT man of Christ and spiritual leader in our relationship.
  

Of all the beautiful verses in 1 Corinthians 13, "love is patient" has been the most applicable in our unique relationship. Being away from the one your soul loves is absolutely heart-shattering. There are good days, and there are bad days. There are peaceful nights, and there are nights where you are hunched over the side of your bed with a pain in your chest that leaves you crushed and breathless...but God is there through it all. He is the God who GIVES and TAKES. He will provide for your needs! We don't know when we will see each other again, but we know that when we do, it will totally be worth the wait! Love is patient, and that is the hardest part of love, but a part of love that our relationship could not survive without.
  

The best advice Matt and I have to give to those in any relationship is to put God first, to have patience, to realize that there is more to life than just your relationship with each other. You must put your partner before yourself and leave your relationship in His capable hands, God loves you more than anyone ever can and until that is enough for you, nothing in life will ever be satisfying.

In His love,

Sammi and Matt

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." -1 Corinthians 13:4